In Memoriam: Pearl---The Blackberry

I would like to use this post to honor Pearl, my Blackberry, who served me well from January 2007-March 2009. I sold out and traded her in for an iphone. I never thought I would be an iphone owner but after all the dudes in my immediate family (3 brothers and my dad) got iphones, of course, I needed to keep up. I doubt my mom would ever climb aboard the technology train as this is the same woman that still yells into voicemail systems for her sons to "wake up!" or "pick up...pick up.......pick up.......where are you?" Answering machines are not that common anymore, Mom.



Anywho, to honor Pearl, I have compiled a sampler, if you will, of pictures that I took with her during the two-plus years we were together.

Pearl---you will be missed.

January 2007--Testing out the Camera on Pearl and Pillow Talk with my baby

January 2007---Galatoire's Friday Lunch and Saints Playoff game.

A group of us went to Galatoire's for lunch on a Friday afternoon and it was the day before the Saints home playoff game (and win) against the Philadelphia Eagles. As you can see, the dining room was alive with "Who Dat" Fevah..........A second line began through the dining room to the chant of "Who Dat......Who Dat.......Who Dat say gonna be 'dem Saints?!!" Simply Awesome.

Same Galatoire's Lunch. A group of Cougars enjoyed lunch on the same afternoon we were there. If you look closely in between the guy with the gray coat and the woman in black with her back to the camera, you can make out a blob of passed out kitty cat in her soup---head on table. I believe it was 1:30pm. However, she rebounded to dance on the bar at Absinthe.

Franco's Bachelor Party--Feb. 2007. Someone dancing like a robot with a Quaker Oats box on his head. But, I won't say who.









Same bachelor party. Matthew and his favorite t-shirt.










April 2007---A drinking game that required chugging beer out of a Frisbee. I don't know why.

Indianapolis 500-2007

I met and shook hands with Steven MuthaF*ckin' Sanders and all I could say was, "I'm a big fan."

That's it. That's all I had.

Why not "Hey, that was bullsh*t when you almost got blackballed at the KEG house" or "I thought you and Claire were gonna be together forever."

Oh well.

Labor Day-2007

UGA vs. Oklahoma State

We went to Atlanta to hang with our friends Steven and Katherine---which involved a trip to Athens for our first UGA football experience.

Below is me in need of a haircut and a few pounds overweight just a few hours before:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRFtbsrF01Y

October 2007

Patrick was in town for LSU-UF and we went to watch our friends McD and Bourge play with their band at Parlay's.

Patrick is waiving his lighter whilst McD jams on the guitar.

Sometime during the Saints' 2007 season.

I'm sure we were watching the afternoon games after a loss. I have no idea who took this picture.

March 2008

I had the opportunity to see the Cubs in Spring Training while attending a CLE in Scottsdale, AZ. Because I do not have a memento for the occasion, below is a picture of a shirt I bought my buddy, Jeff.

St. Patrick's Day-2008

I won the fantasy football league that I play in with my buddies from law school (Patrick, Tony, Bourge, and Franco). Patrick (also known as PVEN) is the commissioner and was a little slow to disburse my winnings. The league ended in January and I had not received payment as of our St. Patrick's Day party. For two months I had been teasing PVENRON (eh? eh, comrades?) that he could just give me one of those "big checks" like Happy Gilmore. *note-if you haven't seen the movie, this will make no sense* Patrick, Franco, Emily, and Tony (all of whom can bring the funny) decided to make the "big check" a reality. Well done.

March 2009-Spring Break at Franco's Dad's house

A discussion of trampolines and whether your parents would let you play on them when you were growing up resulted in this picture.

March 2009

My friend Brent owned the Drunken Taco. A Mexican restaurant behind the Red Eye. Matthew---being the good friend and roommate that he is----was helping Brent bring in customers my dressing up like a giant taco and soliciting business on the street.

May 2009--Geoffrey's commencement at IU

I guess after sitting through two IU commencements, a Vanderbilt commencement, and a Loyola Law School commencement, my dad decided he had seen enough. Time for his nappy-poo.

May 2008--Road trip to Indiana for the Hauteans Classic and the Indianapolis 500

Tony's macho luggage

June 2008-PVEN's 30th Birthday

For a variety of reasons, I was the only one that was able to make Patrick's 30th birthday celebration in Tampa. Thus, those that could not attend (Jeff) organized the grim reaper to wish Patrick a Happy 30th birthday with the help of Jill--Patrick's better half. PVEN, much like myself, does not enjoy this type of attention.

He was a good sport but overall, as he likes to say, it was "no bueno."

October 2008--Halloween Party at the Corradas' house

JSH and I had a busy week at work and were a little slow to get into the Halloween spirit. For me, it meant going to Walgreen's and finding my costume for $14 in the 11th hour sale. Hey now, check it out

November 2008--Vacation to Belize

We took a vacation to Belize this past year. Essentially, we had Sandpiper Air and the Hackett Brothers (Wings, anyone?) flying us to/from Belize City and Placencia. As is usually the case, our camera was packed in the luggage so I only had Pearl to document the trip.

SandPiper Air #2

SandPiper Air #3

January 2009--Red Light Cameras 1 JSH 0

This is actually a picture of the image produced by the red light camera. But, if you look closely, that is the Spineless Brown Trout with JSH at the wheel running a red light (which you can see at the top of picture) at Poydras and Magazine.

I will have a post from our St. Patty's Day party up soon. I do not have any pictures from our party and I am not sure, due to the weather, that there are many pictures floating around. I hope I am wrong.

If you are reading this and you have pictures, please send them to me. Thanks.

Mardi Gras 2009: Krewe of Snuggie

After recovering from my ovary rotting weekend with Cup Cate, it was time for JSH and I to turn our attention to Mardi Gras.

For the first time in the history of the DBH-JSH union, we did not have friends in town to entertain nor did we have to move out of our uptown locale to go visit friends downtown. We were the stewards of our own ship---which meant that we would be walking from 931 Harmony Street to the Wedge's house and plant ourselves somewhere near St. Charles and Foucher for the parades.

On Thursday, the first arrivals of Wedge's law school/Mardi Gras crew (or Krewe) (Blackwelder--the lieutenant of said Krewe and Chris) landed in New Orleans to much fanfare as they never stop going and enjoy every second of Mardi Gras.

As part of Blackwelder's duties as self-anointed Lieutenant, he crafts an agenda for the weekend's activities. Each day's agenda usually ended with "Chris and Blackwelder go to F&Ms/Beau and Jessie go home"

We had a great time at Muses and everyone got off to a great start. I even bought Jessie a blunt instrument to poke the riders with in order to get beads (light saber---green). After Muses, we went to Balcony where we continued to party until 1am. Somewhat aggressive but we were smart enough to take a mulligan on F&M's (per the agenda) and head home.

On Friday of Mardi Gras, Blackwelder organizes a lunch at Commander's Palace. Jessie, Wedge, Christian, Chris, Neil, his buddy, and the A team (Blackwelder's friends Allison and Andrea), Megan, and Lizzie were committed to the outing this year. I had to backout early on in the week as I thought I would have work obligations on that Friday. As a mea culpa to Blackwelder, I promised to make at least one F&M's appearance over the course of the weekend. In a nice turn of events, my law firm was able to close early and I made lunch right on time. We had a great time and I think everyone enjoyed each other's company. The food and the atmosphere combined make Commander's lunch a unique event. Even the rendition of "Mustang Sally" (per Wedge's request) by the roving 3 piece band was cool----and hilarious. The 25 cent Martinis were also huge hit---although I am not a big Martini fan and they didn't have Redbull (ask JSH about this) so I had a vodka/tonic instead.

Oh, and the best part of lunch was that my presence extinguished my commitment to F&M's (which Blackwelder, of course, had printed out the email where I made said commitment as proof of my binding obligation----effing lawyers).

We moved on from Commander's to the parade route where, once again, we had a phenomenal time watching the Friday night parades. As per the agenda, we made the walk from Wedge's to Bulldog for post-parade shenanigans. By this point in the weekend, Wedge's friend Megan had made it in from San Francisco and was one of the 5 left standing at Rendezvous at 2:30am. JSH was starting her own revolution to go to Igor's or F&M's. I was trying to make the point that I had seen this movie before and a cab ride to either place would result in a drive by on the way back to 931 Harmony with JSH asleep on my shoulder. She was not having it. So, we all compromised and went back to Bulldog where it was not crowded but the music was bumping. It was surprising for Bulldog and I will touch on that point again in this post.

Our night ended at 4am when one of the other patrons informed us "his boy and his boy's girl" had locked themselves in the kitchen to.............well, you know.

GOO.

On Saturday, the day parades uptown went by fast---as usual. Instead of battling our way out to Endymion, Blackwelder had organized a crawfish boil in Wedge's backyard. Mr. Labourdette (Wedge's father) was nice enough to boil the crawfish and did an amazing job. Everything was fantastic.

At this point, the house party ensued from about 3pm to 8pm where Chelada (see picture below) and Andre 1500 made appearances. Last year, Blackwelder saw another parade-goer use a doll as a prop to facilitate his quest for beads. In preparation for this year, Blackwelder dug out a cabbage patch doll from his parents' attic to bring to Mardi Gras (we aren't sure if it his doll or his sister's...story developing). The cabbage patch doll was named Andre----aka---Andre 1500 for Mardi Gras purposes. Andre joined the dance party, was baptized in tequila, and held down a table outside at Bulldog. The Wedge had Andre sticking out of her coat for most parades while yelling "Something for da baby, something for da baby!" I am not sure if it worked but it was damn funny. As usual, Bulldog turned into a hoppin' place with bumpin' music and lots o' dancing. It was an early night for everyone relatively speaking even though JSH tried to stage a jail break to F&M's when no one would go with her.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat and onto Sunday.

On Sunday, lots of parades, drinking, and beads. After Bacchus, the streets turned into a dance party as the hotel nearby had great music blaring. In addition, my friend Brent brought a Snuggie (yes--really) to the route which was hijacked by Craig for the remainder of the night. Note: Brent or Matt, the Snuggie has been washed and is at the Wedge's house--it will be returned soon. Between the Snuggie and the music, Foucher and St. Charles was its own party for an hour after Bacchus.

The Snuggie was a HUGE hit with parade riders, passersby, girls, guys, and dudes dressed like Germans (see below). If you had the Snuggie, you had its powers. Craig, Blackwelder, and Tim had their pictures taken multiple times with multiple people and it was almost like a red carpet event. At the Bulldog, "SNU--GGIE.........SNU--GGIE...........SNU--GGIE" chants filled the bar. Songs were rewritten to incorporate the Snuggie. My personal favorite was "Bringin' Snuggie Back"

It was crazy............CATS and DOGS living together........mass hysteria! Movie?

We definitely topped Saturday night's house party--which no one thought was possible.

At this point, I need to point out that Bulldog has turned into F&M's East---at least for Mardi Gras. The music, late night crowd, cheese fries, and shenanigans in the kitchen "after hours" brought a certain F&M's quality to Magazine Street.

I know I have left out many stories and people but I promise to do a Mardi Gras in July edition after I have a chance to review Blackwelder's agenda. Blackwelder was marking up his agenda all weekend to document funny quotes or stories, revise the agenda, or make notes for next year. At a moment's notice, he would whip the agenda out of his back pocket to mark something down he thought was funny. It was a "living document" for you constitutional scholars.

It was a fantastic Mardi Gras and I look forward to seeing most of the krewe at 931 Harmony for St. Patty's Day.

Below are some pictures of the weekend courtesy of Lizzie, Blackwelder, and Wedge

Tim "feeding" Andre 1500

Blackwelder and his Bud Light Chelada (V8 and Bud Light--pure goodness)

Snuggies and Dudes dressed like German---gotta love Mardi Gras.

JSH before staging her attempted prison break to F&M's

The Schott Family sans Me---I was down the street saying hello to Charlie Murphy

King of Snuggie

Epilogue:

On Fat Tuesday, Lizzie, Craig, Ms. Kathy, JSH,and I walked to Jackson and St. Charles to watch Zulu and catch Mr. Schott riding in Rex. It was a perfect morning that ended in a Popeye's lunch. One more endearing JSH story: She told a group of Mormon boys that their "costumes" were "a personal fav" of hers for Mardi Gras..........except they weren't in costume. Well played, JSH. Well played.

Mardi Gras Sandwich

In order to stay consistent with my "blogging", I am writing about the two weekends "sandwiched" around Mardi Gras while I compile the best pictures to properly describe our Mardi Gras 2009.








1. Top Bun--Baby Maybe





Chris, Courtney, and the Cup Cate came for a visit the weekend before Mardi Gras or NBA All-Star Weekend for you sports fans. It had been about 6 months since we had seen the Cup Cate Family and we always enjoy their visits. We had a great time at Bistro Daisy, Pontchartrain, and Barkus--among other things.





Most of you know that the running joke at 931 Harmony is that my ovaries are rotting waiting for JSH to hit 30 before we start a family. Translation: I was ready to start a family yesterday whilst JSH still wants to travel and "be a couple" before we start kickin' out DD3s. While this is not entirely true from both sides, it makes for a good joke amongst our friends. Cup Cate has turned into the poster child for "rotting ovary" syndrome.





Cup Cate's last visit was in October and she tortured me the whole weekend. She would smile, giggle, and bat her eyes at me and then as I would try to pick her up, play with her, or interact with her in any way, she would simply say, "No." It got so bad that as soon as I walked into a room and made eye contact with her, the word "No" would come flying out of her mouth---almost like a Pavlovian response.

Beau=No.

I even tried to bribe her with a stupid foam finger that I got at a Saints game that weekend. Nothing worked and, thus, she was deemed "Baby No."





I thought that our 6 month "break" might change things and she would be more receptive to hanging with Uncle Beau or, maybe, I am Uncle "Neaux" in her mind. Things were better. Kinda. While we played much more together and I got her to laugh or to repeat words ("tchoup shop" and "jambalaya" were fan favorites), she still did not let me pick her up. I settled for "hi-fives" instead.





"Baby No" had grown into "Baby Maybe"





My ovaries will take what they can get.








There is apparently a picture of what "rotting ovary syndrome" looks like in action----and here it is:







2. Bottom Bun-Kelvin's Worst Nightmare





On Friday night, the Milwaukee Bucks were in town to battle your New Orleans Hornets.





As most of you know, I am a HUGE Indiana Basketball fan. This particular game was circled on my calendar/schedule because Kelvin Sampson is now an assistant coach with the Bucks. If you follow sports at all, you will remember that Coach Sampson ran the Indiana basketball program into the ground for recruiting violations (impermissible phone calls, etc) and was fired for same before the end of last season. In his wake, he left a program with one returning scholarship player and a new coach scrambling to fill out the roster with somewhat serviceable players. Recently, IU even suited up an equipment manager to fill in as a player on the team.





Indiana University has a storied basketball program from 5 National Championships, to Bob Knight, to a rabid fan base that is as passionate as any in the country. What Coach Sampson did to that program in a little under 2 full years verges on the criminal in my mind. Thus, Friday night was my opportunity to enact a little revenge.








Jeff, Matthew, Tony, Jason, Charlie Murphy, and I attended the game where we sat 5 rows from half court opposite the teams' benches and the scorer's table. We were close enough to be seen and to be heard. Jeff was on board for the heckle-fest and put together 5-7 signs for us to use over the course of 48 minutes of basketball. In addition, Jeff, Charlie Murphy, and I all sported Indiana University shirts for the occasion.





Examples of our signs include:





"Kelvin brought texty back"





"Hey Kelvin, Can you Hear Me Now?" *with a picture of Sampson's head photo shopped on the Verizon dude's head*





A MasterCard "priceless" spoof that is too long to go into





Anywho, when the coaches and players came out on the court before tip off, we struck.





Jeff, Charlie Murphy and I stood up with our signs and yelled multiple things. I don't remember what exactly was said as I was blinded by rage.





Coach Sampson heard us, looked over, did a double-take, and then, simply, nodded to us.





Success!





In addition, during each timeout or break in play the rest of the night where the coaches would huddle near the lane, Coach Sampson decided to turn his back to us.





The rest, as they say, was lagniappe.





The only thing I really remember saying was that I would be waiting for Coach Sampson after halftime and wasn't going anywhere.





Jeff also had everyone in our section cracking up by yelling at Coach Sampson to "text to win!" for some contest the Hornets held for fans in which they could text answers to a trivia question.





Not my most mature moment in life but it was fun. For those of you that have passion for your various alma maters or other sports teams, you know what I'm talking about.






"Kelvin--I will be right here waiting after halftime. Me and you, buddy. Me and you!!!"

Nothing But the Best..........

Even though we were still hungover from DC, JSH and I attended the Acheans Mardi Gras ball the Friday after we returned home.





Craig is a member of Acheans and invited JSH and I to attend along with Lizzie (obviously), Justin and Mary Noller.





I have never been to Mardi Gras Ball. The opinions I have heard vary from "it is awesome" to "it is awesome only if you are in the krewe or know people in the krewe" to "it sucks and is just alot of standing around watching people you don't know do stuff." My opinion: It was a pretty cool experience and if you are with good people---it is a great time.





I didn't realize that it was a full dress tuxedo event--thus, another trip to Perlis was required. At this point, let me go on a rant regarding the complete racket that Perlis has going on with tuxedo rentals during Mardi Gras season. I spend at least 3 1/2 bills on tuxedos for the month of January. Each time I went in there to pick up a tux, they had multiple racks of tuxedos lined up for that weekend's events. The worst part is that for DC Mardi Gras ball I had to rent two shirts because it was anticipated we would need to wear the tuxedos twice. Perlis charged me a rental and one-half just for the tuxedo with one extra shirt (which I didn't end up wearing). Really? I mean I guess it's good to see someone is prospering during this economic downturn. The worst part is that the tuxedos are crappy and hardly ever fit. For Acheans, the shirt didn't fit around the collar so there was an open hole in between the buttons near by neck. Thus, if I turned the right way, you could see my 3 chest hairs. Sexy.





I guess I could be a grown up and buy a tuxedo. I am done growing. But, what fun would that be?





Anywho, moving on. We had a great time hanging with Lizzie, Justin, and Mary Noller. Craig was hilarious in his costume (he was a horse or donkey) and we ended up drinking alot. After the end of the ball, we got to attend the Queen's breakfast---which didn't start until midnight. I called it the "bacon breakfast" because they had great bacon and lots of it. After 3 plates of bacon, we called it a night and headed home for some much needed sleep.








The highlight of the night was the high life. The bar at the ball was serving Miller High Life---a favorite of mine. JSH and I took a great picture in our formal attire with our respective champagnes---her "champers" and my champagne of beer. I think it is the early clubhouse leader for the Christmas card in 2009.





Tell me what you think:



Happy Holidays!

The Haynes Family and High Life

Nothin' But the Best!

One Month Ago: Episode IV, Part B "Keep your Eye on the Prize and Prom Pictures"

This is the final installment of my DC Mardi Gras experience. Hold onto your hats, boys and girls.

Jody and I had to be downstairs (in our tuxedos) by 7pm on Saturday night so that we could immediately change out of our tuxedos and into our krewe costumes. This was my first time parading in any form for Mardi Gras so I was a little apprehensive as to what was going to happen. As we are lining up to make our first entrance into the ballroom, Jody says, "This first trip is just for show and you don't want to be stuck on the ballroom floor while they introduce all the queens and princesses because it's boring. You will be stuck just sitting on the floor with no food or drink. So, it's like musical chairs.....you need to get back to the door before it shuts or you are SOL. Keep your eye on the prize." Those last words were stuck in my head as I made my way around the ballroom floor.

Everyone is dressed in krewe gear so you can easily lose the person you are with or get lost without a lifeline. Both happened to me. I make one lap around the parading area and decide that I need to go again. BIG MISTAKE. As I come around the final turn of lap 2, I see the door start to close. It was kinda like watching the draw bridge go up on the castle in the movies and Robin Hood or Sir Lancelot is racing to get across it or risk falling into the moat. Except that I ain't Kevin Costner or Richard Gere. Anywho I start running towards the aisle to get to the door when a Lieutenant in the Krewe yells, "Get down! Everyone down!." The music stopped and I had no chair. Ironically, I got to sit on the ground.

The worst part was that after I gave up the dream of getting through the door, Plan B was to get to Matthew's box so he could at least feed me and give me drinks. I was short by two boxes. So close...yet so far away.

The silver lining was the the Band from Tiger Land made a first time appearance (and surprise appearance) at DC Mardi Gras. If I had made it through the door, I wouldn't have seen that. It was pretty cool. I cheer for LSU in everything because I have friends and family that our alums or huge supporters of the school. However, watching grown men bark and hump the wall when the band played the fight song makes me want to cheer for Florida. I do admire the passion---probably no different than watching grown men cry when Bobby Knight walks in a room.

The queens and princesses were introduced and I got back into the room to prepare for the actual parade.

I very much enjoyed parading. I ran out of throws way too quick but that was because I nailed a few princesses with 6 stuffed animals and I gave a 70 year old women everything on my arm. Her reaction was priceless.

After the parade, there are 7 call out dances in which the krewe members "call out" women in the crowd for a dance and present them with a gift after the song is over. Those were fun. However, Matthew made fun of Jody and I for rotating between JSH and Mollie for the first 4 dances. So, I got to dance with his mother on Dance 5.

We cutout after the 5th call out dance and headed back to the hotel lobby to conclude our evening. All in all, the evening (and weekend) ended with a wimper. We were out until 1:30 but really didn't drink that much. Matthew, JSH, and I posed for "prom pictures" to document our time at DC Mardi Gras. Actually, the night did end with an interesting story.

JSH and Mollie ordered a few pizzas, water, appetizers, and beer to our room as we were getting ready to keep us all nourished for the long night ahead. There was no formal meal at the parade.

When Mollie and Jody got back to the room, they pushed the leftovers out into the hall because the room smelled like pizza.

The people in the room next to us came home a few minutes later and the following statements were heard through our door (per Mollie):



Pizza! Suuweeet! Well, if they aren't going to eat it, someone should.

They took all the leftover pizza and beer into their room for a midnight feast.

The sad thing is that I would expect this from some college kids or Blackwelder. But, it was a middle-aged couple who attended the night's events with us. The vision of an older couple in a tuxedo and ball gown stealing leftover room service makes me laugh.

You stay classy, Louisiana.

Jody and I getting ready---James Bond we aren't

Prom Picture 1

Prom Picture 2

Prom Picture 3

DC Mardi Gras Parade

My Apologies

I know.........I know. I have slacked off with my blog.........but it was Mardi Gras

I am sorry.


And with that, I now give you the last three weeks of the Life O' Haynes Family.

One Month Ago: Episode IV Part A "Stoney's and Georgetown Movie Trivia"

Saturday began with Mara's surprise 30th birthday party at Stoney's.

Reuben asked JSH and I to help lure Mara to Stoney's where everyone would be waiting. So, we showed up at Mara and Reuben's place under the guise of having brunch as we wouldn't see them again. Mara was having none of that. The whole time she kept telling us how "random" Stoney's was and it is so weird that Reuben wants to go there."

As previously discussed, Mara and JSH share a brain. Thus, when Mara has a vision, Reuben is supposed to make that vision happen. Reuben, much like myself, is a pretty easy-going guy. So, we know how to deal with the various visions that run in and out of our lives on a daily basis.

As we are walking to Stoney's, Mara is still going on and on about Stoney's. "Dooooood, why does he want to eat there? It's sooooooooo weird." I think, in part, she didn't understand why he picked this place and, in part, she was annoyed that (in her mind") Reuben hadn't made any big plans for her b-day. When Reuben and I open the door to Stoney's, Mara announces that she knows a better place across the street and that we are going there. At this point, JSH runs interference and tells Mara that Stoney's was written up in the NY Times and that it was recommended to her so we should just go there. Reuben looks at me and says, "Your wife is good."

Still confused, Mara walks up the stairs into the private room/bar area of Stoney's where 15-20 of her friends and family are waiting. Needless to say, she very much surprised and Reuben made it a birthday to remember for Mara. Oh, and there was chocolate cake--so that was good too.

Mara, Reuben, and the little dood at Stoney's

After Stoney's, JSH and I headed to Georgetown to walk around and do some shopping with Jody and Mollie. We wondered over to Georgetown's campus, where we saw the Exorcist stairs and the quad used in the movie St. Elmo's fire. This started a full on St. Elmo's Fire "quote fest" from all of us. Very funny.....yet kinda sad. I love Georgetown. It is absolutely beautiful and I hope that little DD3 or C_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Haynes (JSH does not divulge her name for a girl as she wants to keep it unique) will have the opportunity to go to a school of that caliber. Hopefully, they get JSH's brains.

Mollie and Jody at the Exorcist Stairs

JSH and I at Georgetown